when things just don't work out.

it doesn't really matter anymore whether or not the result turns out to be the one you expected it to be. what really matters is that you try to get a result. the process is actually pretty fuckn important. how will you ever get a result if you don't even try? don't even think about getting what you want without putting effort into the process. 

i don't know what i'm trying to do here.

but i know, that there's a fuckn clear image in my head. an image where i'm standing in the grass in the public gardens. so i'm gonna work towards that image. nothing else is clear. but for now, that's all i know. 

OK. so today, standing out on my balcony..... not paying attention to much apart from the direction the wind was blowing and at what strength. but there i am. and suddenly a bird flies upward my direction WTF. i didnt know it was a bird. it almost hit my arm and flew away. holy shit birds are scary. 

also, i found a ladybug on the windowsill today.

i hate watching their wings fold out. gross.

i am in a weird position right now. physically. i can't feel my leg.